Super Sunday Gives Way to Stupor Monday
By Mike Botta
February 6, 2012 – With Super Sunday entrenched somewhere in the gray matter, amid the clutter of leftover beer, Doritos, chicken wings, memories of the self-proclaimed Material Girl and obnoxious sore-losing friends, most of the country finally settles into the sports black hole.
It’s the month of February when football fans go into hibernation and baseball fans can relax without having to think about how badly their favorite team will screw up during the coming season.
It’s also a good month put aside reality and focus on the important news and events of the world.
Wave Your Finger(s) Day
To help fans recover from the super hangover from Super Sunday -- especially Giants fans celebrating victory well into the night and Patriots fans drowning sorrows following the hard-fought battle -- we’ll focus on the lighter side of things today. We’ll leave the high-tech stuff to fellow blogger Mark Devlin.
For example, did you know that tomorrow, February 7, is unofficially designated as “Wave All Your Fingers at Your Neighbor Day”? Does that mean that the other 365 days of the year (remember it’s a leap year) is “Wave Just One of Your Fingers at Your Neighbor Day”?
Unfortunately, not. Some genius came up with it as a way to greet neighbors with waves and high-fives for one day. On Wednesday, it’s okay to take off the gloves and resume yelling at the neighbor’s kids to get off your lawn again for another year.
Then, there’s February 18. That’s "Thumb Appreciation Day," a day when you are supposed to put your thumb away for 24 hours and use only your other fingers. Where you and your coworkers decide to park your thumbs for the day could be a matter of public – or private – debate amongst yourselves.
A personal favorite comes on February 28 – "Public Sleeping Day." According to one opinion poll, more than 50 percent of the people plan to celebrate the day while on the job.
Which somehow brings us to government – collectively the people who are elected by us to snooze away the day while dreaming up strange programs and legislation, some of it well meaning, some of it just plain head-scratching.
Last week, two Arizona legislators introduced a bill that would allow authorities to arrest and seize the vehicles of suspected toll evaders. One small problem is that there are no toll roads in the entire state of Arizona.
In a bizarre variation of “if you build it, they will come,” the legislators in question actually did some deep thinking to determine that the state might have a better shot at attracting private toll-road developers by first coming up with a law to round up the violators.
Good to see that the state, which last month created national attention with its own “Wave Your Finger on the Tarmac Day,” is looking ahead to find future ways to put its residents in prison and take their assets.
As one reader commented in last Wednesday’s Arizona Republic newspaper, perhaps the state should secure the border by placing toll booths at each crossing from Mexico.
That way, according to the reader from Phoenix, “if the border crossers run the booth without paying, we can arrest them for running the booths and not worry about offending anyone by enforcing the immigration laws.”
The Thinking Deepens
But, Arizona is not the only home to deep thinking.
Consider Alaska where you can be fined $25 for bringing an animal into a barbershop or Alabama where a law was passed that makes it illegal to wrestle bears.
And, of course, there is the other ‘A’ state – Arkansas – where it is illegal to keep an alligator in a bathtub.
Finally a law that makes sense.
After all, this coming Thursday is “Read in the Bathtub Day.”
Now, about staging the Super Bowl on a Sunday night. Some real sensible legislation would be to force the NFL to play the game on a Saturday night instead.
Either that, or establish Monday after the Super Bowl as a new national holiday – "Public Sleeping Day."